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Believe in love
The current 'status' of dating and relationships seems to evoke the feeling of "I want it - but do I want it?". I pass by young lovers in Paris (I'm in Paris at the moment) and I see a lot of couples enjoying the power of the city and each other - playing love games "I love you" and "what else can you give me" - and they are really happy. I also go through some reviews with a friend about how much they love this guy or that girl and what can be the hope of having this person and being happy about it. And I started to wonder - what makes us pursue romantic love and romance with someone.
Even though I read and feel a lot of stigma about dating, finding lasting love and marriage or commitment - I still see a lot of people pursuing, enjoying and falling in love. And I'm not in a world of online dating. I see it on the streets, in parks, in bars, and in theaters in Paris. For couples and families in my building. It's summer holidays for those traveling to France. And in the daily quotidian - people are still holding hands as if there is something deeply satisfying about being with someone.
Learn Why do you believe in love:
One of the researchers on romantic love is Dr. Helen Fisher, an expert on human history who has learned to pursue romantic relationships in more than 90 cultures around the world who live today and in the past. Dr. Fisher's research has performed driving hormones and love profile profiles based on 4 body hormones, estrogen, serotonin, testosterone and dopamine.
What excites me is a few remarks by Dr. Fisher that he still has no answers as to why we pursue romantic love without the compelling reasons to crave hormones. He has indeed shaped the promoters and, in his sincerity and humor, says that there is still an unspoken passage in his research that can explain why in the millenniums there is such a continuum, attraction and interest in romance but his research shows that romantic infatuation is common in all cultures and around the world.
On the streets of Paris, I see a young couple protesting and sharing their differing views as they embrace and connect with what seems to be a safe haven in a world full of change. And I tell myself that these lovers are in the midst of a time of great change and the most populous in the world. In their quiet sanctuary to provide for the loneliness of the couple - a quiet place where two people can engage in the simple task of connecting, two people sharing the hope or joy that the couple provides the deepest feelings they can find in the world. And in that connection, they can also feel the danger of resisting their partner, saying no I don’t like that and their partner actually responds with a deep need or desire to keep their partner happy or to keep their love. And then I think to myself, but people have heard and thought they were caught in the worst of times in most of history. Paris itself has seen dark days as museums and many of its sites testify.
Do people long for safety and security in a world where no one can really encourage or celebrate them?
I have often wondered, if we yearn for that protection as an adult, why is the love of mom or dad not enough (if they are alive) - why do we want romantic love that is not dear to a family member. Some of us don’t love our families, so looking for a romantic interest is a great way to find someone who loves you, who celebrates - reassures you - despite your family.
Joining a couple gives you a sense of anchor in the world and a clear position in the social sphere. However, if you are single or a free agent you can be seen unaware that you can be a danger to the community - because your role in the nation is not defined or underestimated, such as either being a partner in marriage or giving a sexual contest or an understatement. As a couple you can be seen as a stable “economic” predictable group. However if you are single you can represent something ‘unknown’, your agenda, your ‘standing’ in the world is unclear. What is your reason for being a single agent?
The irony is that most people will now face singleness for some time after they get married, because relationships do not last a lifetime these days.
Are we past the millenniums where 'long-term relationships equal to lifelong relationships' mean we are clinging to the old way of defining 'safety' as a couple and we don't know how to get past that?
It leaves my old friends who have left marriage or relationships feeling that they should accept - at some point - that they are right if they are not in a relationship. And for some it is a powerful place for them to come: the final acceptance of who they are. They may not get married or be alone - and they live by that and are happy.
However, I still see people of all ages, shining when they meet someone who enlightens them. And that's the episode that inspires me.
Here are my thoughts on why we as a human race continue to believe in romantic love (other than the political situation, the atmosphere of the planet or modern dating and its traps):
two people who come together and hope to bring out the best in each other fulfill a person’s deep need for self-awareness and self-esteem as a lovable, generous, flawless person despite mistakes, an acceptable person who can make another person feel the same and create the opportunity for that loved one to be what he or she is.
and for some, it is motivated by the desire that this person will accept you and bring out your piece that you will not find alone - but suspect, understand, believe and hope that the other person will find a way to reveal your hidden piece.
There are not many places in our adult lives, where we play that role.
Another way to express romantic love is that it is our ignorant drive and the need for our soul to discover what is hidden from us that the hope of loving a partner provides an opportunity to get closer and closer to it.
I believe in love.
However, I do not expect that romance will be a 'clear boat ride' because the best intentions without being developed with certain skills to understand how to treat a person cannot achieve the goals of emotional love.
I'm curious about why you might be a believer or a lover of romantic love.
Angela Ambrosia is a love and relationship coach based in Australia and France. As a musician he found dance as an important way to connect to the joys of life and overcome low self-esteem and lack of love. Her training and teaching connects women and men in a loving connection with you and in your relationships. It provides a "Transformed Relationships" training program for women and men to build modern relationships that create the love you have only dreamed of. Go to http://loveandrelationshipcoach.setmore.com to book a free strategic session to transform your relationship.